When a member dies: handling the news in a support community

If you run a community for people with serious illnesses, at some point you will lose a member. The first time it happened in one of our groups, nobody on the moderation team knew what to do, and we made it up in a hurry. We've since written down a simple approach, and I'm sharing it because several people in Digital Health Communities have asked.

Confirm before you post

The news often arrives second-hand, through a friend or relative messaging a moderator. We wait until we've heard from the family, and we ask them what, if anything, they'd like shared. Some families want the community to know. Others prefer privacy.

One post, written with care

A single moderator writes a short announcement, keeps it factual and gentle, and leaves out details about the illness. We keep comments open so members can share memories, and we watch the thread for anyone who seems shaken, especially members living with the same condition.

Look after the profile and the moderators

We ask the family whether they want the profile kept as a memorial, hidden or removed, and we never decide that on our own. Afterwards, the moderation team checks in with each other. These moments land hard on volunteers, and the Moderators' Lounge has been a real comfort for ours.

It isn't a perfect process, and every loss is different. But having something written down meant that the last time, we could focus on the people instead of the procedure.